My Husband Wants A Divorce But I Still Love Him: I Don’t Want A Divorce But I Don’t Know What Else To Do
My husband wants a divorce but I still love him - I don’t want a divorce but I don’t know what else to do.
If your husband wants out of the marriage and you are still deeply committed to the relationship, the two of you are at a crossroads. You have to make a decision about whether you are willing to give up a future with the man you married and love, or whether you are ready to move on without him. If you are determined to keep your family together, you need a plan of attack to win back your husband's love. It's not nearly as difficult as it sounds if you always remember that at one time he loved you deeply.
Marriages change and start falling apart for many reasons. The stresses of everyday life including paying bills and raising children can have a strong impact on how a couple interacts. Resentment can also build if you and your husband are struggling with any ongoing issues. Couples can often reach a point where they rarely talk because they know their discussions will become heated because of the tension already there between them. If this is happening in your relationship you need to take control of the situation. You need to find a solution to the problem and without a doubt that is going to mean compromise on your part. You have to weigh whether the issue at hand is worth risking your marriage for.
Another matter that is often at the root of difficulties in marriages is that the partners have just stopped appreciating each other. If your husband doesn't feel that you are grateful for what he brings to your life, his feelings for you are bound to shift. If your husband wants out of the marriage it's easy to tell him that you love him and are thankful for what he does for you, but it's much more effective if you show him. Start complimenting him and thank him when he contributes to the household or does specific things for you. Cook his favorite dinner and plan some activities that you know he enjoys. Make him feel special and valued again. That can go a long way to helping heal a broken relationship.
Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouses. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now. To learn more about how to transform your marriage so your spouse loves and adores you more than they ever have before, visit this Helpful Site!
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I understand that this is probably one of the most difficult conversations that you might ever have. I also know that you're probably rehearsing this in your head because you want to say and do the right thing. In the following article, I'm going to offer some tips on how I feel is the best way to respond when your husband says he wants a divorce.
Try To Read Between The Lines. What Is He Really Saying (And Not Saying) About His Wanting A Divorce? What Clues Is He Offering You?: It's very important to remain calm and to place most of your focus on listening and taking this in rather than on arguing or trying to have a back and forth conversation. The reason for this is that how he presents his request for a divorce is going to give you some clues about his true feelings. Sometimes, what he doesn't say is every bit as important as what he does say.
As tempting as it can be to respond in haste, try to make listening your first focus. What, precisely is he saying to you? How is he saying it? What is he not saying? What do his words say about his thought process? For example, does he mention his feelings for and his love for you? Or is he leaving that part out? Is he giving you specific reasons for the divorce? Or is he keeping things vague? Does his mind seem to be made up? Or is he wavering? What does his body language say about his resolve?
The answers to these types of questions will help you to develop your best strategy when you're trying to save your marriage in the face of divorce. Now, I will go over some responses that you really should try to avoid in this situation.
Responses That You Should Avoid When Your Husband Says He Wants A Divorce: I know that it can be very difficult to have complete control over your response when the topic is so emotionally charged and the stakes are so high. But, to the best of your ability, you should avoid any arguing or debating. This type of response usually won't help you any way (and could actually make a divorce more likely instead of less likely.)
You should steer clear of any responses that will get a negative reaction from him. You don't want to try to get him to feel sorrow or pity because this too will make him feel more negatively about you or the marriage. So, phrases like "how could you do this to me?" should be avoided. Another example is: "does it even matter that I don't want a divorce? Why do you get to decide what happens to our marriage?" And here's one more: "are you even thinking about our children? What is this going to do to them? How could you be so selfish?"
These are the types of responses that are likely to make your husband want to be finished with this process as soon as possible so that he can avoid these types of arguments. I know it's tempting to ask him to defend his reasoning, but try to hold off if you can.
Another thing that you don't want to do is to make threats or tell him that you are going to fight him on the divorce (even if you are thinking about doing so.) You don't want to insinuate that he's going to lose a lot of money or see his kids less if he divorces you. I know that this can be very tempting and it might feel as if this is the only leverage that you have. But playing these types of cards will generally make him even more determined to divorce you and to prove that you are wrong. Not only that, but do you really want your husband to stay married to you because he can't afford a divorce or only because of his kids? Probably not. You want him to stay married to you because you and the marriage make him happy so that he wants to stay.
All of these types of responses are absolutely understandable, but they don't get you any closer to your goal of figuring out the best way to approach this to save your marriage. And these type of responses will also sometimes make your husband feel very defensive (which can sometimes even strengthen his resolve to get a divorce.)
What I Think Is The Best Response When Your Husband Says He Wants A Divorce: I know that I'm asking a lot, but, time after time, I notice that the best response is the one that allows you to maintain your dignity while still focusing on maintaining the relationship as best as you can. Because in order to have the best chance of saving your marriage, you are going to need a decent relationship with your husband and you will need access to him. So, you don't want to do anything that is going to jeopardize this. And, you want to lay the groundwork for future interactions. Obviously, you want to reply in a way that makes you comfortable and that will be successful for you, but here's just one suggestion of how you might want to respond.
"It goes without saying that this is not what I wanted to hear and I'm pretty floored. I love you and don't want to end our marriage. However, I'm not the only decision maker in this marriage and you clearly feel differently, at least right now. I would just hope that as this process moves forward, in whatever way that it does, that we don't allow this to completely deteriorate our relationship. You are simply too important to me. I don't want to end up like those couples who can't stand each other or who let their relationship dissolve into nothing. I hope that we can maintain some sense of closeness because that is more important to me than anything else right now."
Do you see why I included some of the phrases that I did? You're setting it up and laying the groundwork so that you will have access to him in the days to come. The idea is to give yourself the best chance of him being receptive to you. I hope you can see that this response puts you in a much better position than arguing, debating, or attempting to make him feel guilt or other negative emotions.
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