My Husband Is Adamant He Wants A Divorce: What To Do When Your Husband Says He Wants A Divorce
My husband is adamant he wants a divorce - What to do when your husband says he wants a divorce.
If your husband doesn't want to be married anymore you may feel as though your world is tumbling in on you. If you love your spouse and you have visions of the two of you retiring together, becoming grandparents and living your own lifetime romance, his shift in feelings is going to be devastating. Unfortunately, sometimes people change during the course of a marriage and their feelings change along with them. Regardless of whether your husband has told you directly that he wants out of the relationship or you're simply reading between the lines, it's not too late to save the relationship. There are plenty of things you can do, starting today, to get things back on track. If you love him, don't be too quick to give up on him.
Separation may be a regular topic of discussion in your home if your husband doesn't want to be married. He may have brought it up and you likely responded by getting very emotional. Most women view a separation as the first step towards a divorce. In some cases it is, not always. In fact, many men who claim they want to move out of the family home discover fairly quickly that being alone is not in fact what they thought it would be. If your husband is adamant about the two of you separating, your best move is to allow it to happen. He can't possibly know what his life will be like without you until he feels it. By allowing him to leave you're also sending him the clear message that you're not afraid to be without him.
Sometimes when a husband says he wants to leave the marriage, he's confused. He's mistaking a disinterest in his wife for a loss of interest in his life in general. This can occur at any age but most of us are familiar with the idea of the male mid-life crisis. It's when a man wakes up to discover his life isn't what he imagined it to be. He sees the years slipping away and decides, hastily, that he needs to conquer all his hope and dreams before time runs out.
If you fear that's what is happening with your husband, encourage him to make some changes that don't include your marriage. Maybe a new career path is in order or it's time he took his favorite hobby and turned it into a part time business you two can work at together. Even a vacation, a second honeymoon, can do wonders to change a man's frame of mind. Reminding him of what he does have can help him to see that his life glass isn't half empty after all. With patience and understanding you can regain the lost closeness with your spouse again.
Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouses. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now. To learn more about how to transform your marriage so your spouse loves and adores you more than they ever have before, visit this Helpful Site!
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I'll give you some insight about why husbands often want a divorce and some suggestions about what to do if you find yourself in this situation.
Know That You May Not Ever Fully Understand Or Embrace His Thinking Right Now: Here's the thing that many of us do not realize at the time. There's no way that we will ever be able to step inside our husband's brain and heart and feel his feelings. And, even if he does try to describe it to us, he will often embellish or buffer it so that we are hearing precisely what he wants for us to hear.
Sure, you may pry some reasoning out of him so that you have something to work with. That's a worthwhile goal. But, thinking that you're going to be able to understand exactly what he's thinking and feeling and exactly why he wants a divorce could well be unrealistic. Sometimes, your husband can't even put his finger on his exact reasoning. He just knows that, at this time, he thinks his life would be better divorced rather than married.
Some Reasons Men Give For Wanting A Divorce: The reasons that men want to end their marriage are as different as the men and situations themselves. But, I do hear from a decent amount of men in this situation and many of them say the same sort of things. They'll often tell you that the spark just isn't there anymore. Or that their wife doesn't make or have the time for them. They'll say that they feel like they were living with a roommate or distant family member rather than a lover. Many say that they just couldn't shake the nagging question of "is this all there is?"
It might surprise some wives that I rarely hear complaints or criticisms about the wives themselves. For example, I rarely hear a husband admit that he's no longer attracted to his wife, although this is what many wives have come to assume. Instead, they often just describe that they feel that something is missing and they don't know how to get it back. Eventually, they will equate this missing piece with their lack of happiness. This is true whether this is accurate or fair, or not. So, what does this mean for you? Well, this leads me to my next point.
Focusing On Making Changes Rather Than Trying To Understand His Exact Reasons For Wanting The Divorce: I often tell wives that I believe they are better off taking their focus off his reasoning and on making real change designed to change their husband's perceptions about them and the marriage. Many wives will want to place most of their focus on gaining understanding followed by using this understanding to present various arguments to change his mind. The thing is, he will often see right through this and he will the be more determined not to change it.
It's my opinion and experience that you're often better off addressing the general lack of satisfaction, restlessness, and unhappiness. These things are almost always universal. But sometimes, we worry so much about his reasoning that we miss what is right in front of us. He's unhappy and he's dissatisfied because he thinks that the marriage and the woman that he loved and which used to make him happy are gone. So, doesn't it make more sense to bring both of them back rather than continuing to dwell and nag him about his thinking and his feelings (which are two things that men often don't want to (or can't) disclose?)
At the very least, if you've been trying to come up with some understanding for quite some time and haven't gotten anywhere, perhaps you could consider that it might make sense to try something new, at least for long enough to see if a new angle might work better.
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