My Husband Is Miserable In Our Marriage: My Husband Says He’s Miserable With Me
My husband is miserable in our marriage - My husband says he’s miserable with me.
The answer to these questions would be different depending on the husband about which the questions are being asked. What each husband considers the ideal marriage is going to vary depending upon his personality, his views on marriage, and the examples that his own parents probably set for him.
So while I can not tell you what your own husband might need to be happy, to stay married, or to save your marriage, I can tell you what men often tell me when they comment on my blog. I will do so below.
Many Husbands Do Not Expect For You To Be The Perfect Wife, But They Expect You To Be As Good A Wife As Possible For Them In Particular: Wives will sometimes tell me that their husband has very unrealistic or outlandish expectations. They fear that he's not going to be happy unless she's willing to have sex every night, always has a wonderful sense of humor, is the world's best cook, and constantly heaps attention and praise onto her husband without asking for much in return.
I don't hear a lot of men asking for this type of wife. Honestly although what men want in a wife varies, I do hear the same themes over and over. Like us, men want to feel as if we are enthusiastic about being married to them. They don't expect us to want to have sex every night, for the most part. But they'd like for us to desire them enough to make the time when it's realistic.
A man will also want to feel understood. In other words, he wants for you to know him enough to realize what is most important to him and respond accordingly. For example, some husbands could care less if you keep the house spotless, but they'd like for someone to share what is really important to them, like their love of sports, or fly fishing, or comedies, or whatever the case may be. They want you to understand what makes them tick and to share in or appreciate it, every once in a while.
There is nothing worse than feeling lonely in your marriage because you don't feel as if you're spouse gets you enough to reach out. And after a while, resentment can build up because of this. He feels as if he shouldn't have to ask you for what he really wants and you feel as though you can not possibly read his mind.
You Don't Have To Solve All Of Your Husband's Problems But He Should Feel As If You Support Him None The Less: Many wives who are in a marriage where their husband is saying that he's just not happy feel as if he expects them to solve of his problems. Many wives tell me that they suspect that the marriage is not truly the source of the husband's unhappiness. Often, they theorize that it's stress from his job, or money issues, or a health and family situation. In other words, he is just unhappy in general but he thinks that he's unhappy with or doesn't get what he needs from the marriage.
This is often not so far from the truth. And this frustrates a lot of wives who often ask me things like "what does he expect me to do, solve all of his problems?" I know that it can feel that way. But often, he doesn't expect for you to solve all of his problems (although he would like to know that he can count on you to listen and be his springboard.)
Almost without fail, if you can both figure out a way to make your husband more happy in his life, he will often in turn be more happy with the marriage. Often, it's not that your marriage is not giving him what he needs, it's that his life is not giving him what he needs. So if you can find ways to lighten his load, it's going to benefit you greatly also. Encourage him to engage in the hobbies, places or people who make him happy (within reason of course.)
Often when I explain this to wives, they are skeptical because they feel like this is either pushing their husband away or giving him so much space that he's going to drift away. But often, you can pursue and enjoy these things with him.
In truth, no one person can provide everything that someone else needs. He has to provide a lot of his own well being and peace of mind. But it certainly helps when he knows that his wife supports him in the process. And if you can help him be happier with himself and your relationship, he is much more likely to be more open to staying married or saving your marriage.
None of this is impossible. Try to be the spouse that you yourself would want. You don't want him catering to your every whim, but you want to know that he always has your back and that your well being is hugely important to him. The same is true for him. And quite honestly, you know your husband better than any one else. Use this knowledge of him to decipher what he really wants and needs right now and do your best to provide it - even if sometimes that means you help him provide it for himself.
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For many couples they will find that they rush into getting divorced when by looking more closely at their relationship they could have actually prevented it from occurring. In this article we offer some tips on how to stop a divorce before it becomes too late.
Tip 1 - To prevent your marriage ending in divorce one should first off remember the reason why you first got married. Spend time together looking back at those things you did when you first started going out together and which brought you closer to each other and start doing these once again.
Tip 2 - It is important that at any stage during your marriage when there are problems that you take time out to listen to what each other has to say. It is only by listening to why your partner is feeling the way that they do will you be able to work on addressing these problems but make sure that you do so together.
Tip 3 - Although you may find it difficult to but there are times when you should admit to the other that you were wrong. Certainly often by putting your feelings to one side can often clearly show you that your partner was right in the first place. So when the argument becomes a little heated between the two of you tell your partner that you are going to walk away and think about what they have said.
Tip 4 - Often when a couple of been together for some time their relationship starts to lose some of the passion that is what first brought them together. Certainly if you want to stop yourselves from ending up in the situation of divorce like many other couples then find things that will help to bring that passion back into the marriage once more.
Tip 5 - To further add to the excitement in your marriage why not try and arrange time to do things together that you can both enjoy. Spending just a little bit of quality time together each week will help to keep the flames burning between you both. Arrange to go on the kinds of dates that you first went on when you started your relationship initially.
Tip 6 - Although you may want to make changes in your partner which you feel are for the good of the relationship it doesn't mean that they will see them that way. In fact rather than helping you to build a more sound relationship trying to alter a person can end up driving them away from you.
Tip 7 - Are there any unhealthy patterns in your relationship which are actually causing rifts between you and your partner. Do you find that you are doing things more and more on your own simply because they keep you out of your partner's way. If so then you need to find out what it is you are trying to avoid and then face up to it.
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