My Husband Says It’s My Fault He Treats Me Bad: My Husband Hits Me And Says It's My Fault
My husband says it’s my fault he treats me bad - My husband hits me and says it's my fault.
I would never suggest that you allow your husband to continue on with his bad behavior without any comment or reaction. But I have to tell you what I often hear from the husbands that are on the other side of the equation. If you talked to them, what you would hear is that their wife always paints them out to be the "bad guy" and seems to take great pleasure in constantly pointing out their many faults.
I often hear comments like: "my wife acts as if I'm an evil ogre or something. I can't do anything right in her eyes and she seems to just love to tell me that as often as she can. There's no winning with her. When I try to do better, she doesn't even notice, so what is the point?"
And this is why you will often have better results if you try to find a way to paint your husband as the good guy rather than the bad guy. Because if you do, you are going to get a much more positive response and more cooperation from him. He will feel appreciated and you will get what you want. It truly is a win / win. But if you continue to handle it with more criticism and disappointment, you're likely to experience more of the bad behavior and even resentment which can motivate your husband to want to continue to push your buttons.
I'm certainly not suggesting that you ignore his behavior or even try to make the best of it. What I am suggesting is that you approach this in entirely different way and hope that you get a different (and better) result.
Changing His Behavior By Making Him Want To Do Better: In my experience, the whole key is to give your husband a positive pay off for which to strive. If you can compliment him (and reward him) when he exhibits the behavior that you want, then he will be much more likely to repeat it without complaint. One reason for this is that he feels validated. You are seeing him as the good guy that you both know that he, deep down, truly is. Men love to play the role of the hero. So allow him to play the hero rather than the bad guy. He will be much more enthusiastic as the result.
My suggestion would be this. The next time that the wife comes home and the husband starts with his negative behavior, the wife might say something like: "I can see that you probably had an exhausting day just like I did. Why don't we order in and take turns giving each other a back rub? We'll both feel better and every thing else can wait." Normally, the wife would have torn into her husband and, waiting for a fight, he would have responded in kind.
But this way, both people are getting some relief and a fight is avoided. Another strategy to use is to find your husband doing something right and react even more strongly than you react when he does something wrong. Not only should you praise him to his face, but you should praise him to whoever will listen right in front of him. He will feel pride instead of frustration and he will look for ways to repeat the same positive behaviors. It doesn't hurt to praise him with your own physical affection when he is acting in the way that you hoped. This is a huge motivator for him to continue on and, in the meantime, you are both connecting with one another and making it more likely that both of you want to be kind and supportive of the other.
Basically, you are giving him the chance and encouraging him to do things right rather than waiting for him to do things wrong things and then pouncing when he does.
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A good marriage is one that lasts. Where's divorce in the formula of a good marriage? It's not there and it really shouldn't be there. If you want your marriage to be a good one, always be positive about it. Like most people say, every cloud has a silver lining. For a marriage, divorce is not the silver lining.
Merriam Webster defines marriage as the legal relationship into which a man and a woman enter with the purpose of making a home and raising a family. With just its definition, marriage is not a simple thing to get into. It calls for a lot of hard work and effort to survive the stress of marital issues like finances, children, household chores, and more. Divorce offers a grand exit away from bickering and fights, from hurts and from other problems that marriage brings.
On the other hand, it's also the bus that will take you away from those long and worthwhile conversations with your spouse, from the love and security your marriage offers. It's also the sign that the once brave person who got married is no longer as brave and actually became a coward that takes the easy way out. If you have been brave once, be braver to stand up for your marriage. Remember that considering divorce is not a key to a good marriage. There is not just a key to a good marriage. But there are keys to make your marriage a good one despite some marital clouds.
Effective communication is perhaps a very well known key to a good marriage. It saves many marriages from the depths of divorce and helps couples achieve a long and lasting married life. In one way or another, one or both partner may experience the difficulty to communicate, this is normal. Difficulties when appropriately dealt with can make communication more effective than before. Effective communication is gained from speaking and listening.
Compromise plays an important role to keep couples together and have a good marriage. Compromise means arriving to an agreement after a dispute because each or both partners have given up their demands and arguments. They both recognized their parts on the issue at hand. With constant compromise, marital issues can be settled without even putting divorce in the picture.
When someone feels the hurt is already too much, ending the relationship or marriage is a seemingly option. But have you tried to forgive your spouse before you even thought of giving up on your marriage? Forgetting previous conflicts is hard to do since it leaves a mark in your memory. But dwelling on those negative emotions is definitely not a key to have a good marriage. It has a very destructive effect on you, your partner, and your marriage.
Consider trial separation rather than divorce. Some time to cool down is perhaps what you need. If you and your partner just can't stop fighting over almost everything, rest. Give each other a chance to rediscover buried feelings of love, respect, and trust. It is also a great time to remember your good times together as a couple. It also might help you find ways on how to get those times back.
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