My Husband Filed For Divorce Suddenly: How To Save Marriage After Divorce Papers Filed
My husband filed for divorce suddenly - How to save marriage after divorce papers filed.
In a world where more than half of today's marriages end in divorce did you know that it is not too late to stop your divorce? In a situation where things may look hopeless there are ways to get the relationship back on track especially when both parties are prepared to work together.
Now in the situation where the love has completely gone out of the marriage or where abuse is the major reason for a couple to call it quits, then divorce is probably the wise option.
But in many marriages, the split could well have been prevented. It gets down to having a plan and seeking help but unless a couple are prepared to seek this help and tackle the issues which led to a breakup, then it will be a lost cause. In this article, we will show you six steps you need to take to stop your divorce.
Stopping Your Divorce
The first of these is finding the problem. Sitting down with your spouse and having a good, honest discussion about the issues which both of you see as having had an impact on the relationship is a great start. Both of you need to swallow your pride at this time if you are serious about getting to the root problem.
Think back and highlight those times when conflict arose. What led to the conflict? In many cases they would have simply been symptoms and were treated as such but the problem still existed. Can you see the importance of digging deep to find the real issue?
Fixing the problem is the next step. Remember, if the problem cannot be fixed then there is no chance that you will stop your divorce. That's why it's paramount to a successful outcome that the main issue is identified and then resolved.
When this has been identified then both of you need to make a commitment to work together to eliminate it. And it will take both of you working together.
Here's a great tip. Remember the good times. Even though things have disintegrated to this current point there was a time when you were both happy. What attracted you to each other in the first place? What were the things you did together that made you happy. Getting back to that "happy place" will give you a good springboard to work through the issues.
Starting over is the next step. If this sounds a little strange remember what you have done to get to this point. In fact, if you have got to this stage in resolving your issues and know what went wrong the chances you will stop your divorce are better than good. You need to agree to put the bad times behind you. Avoid dredging up old wounds. It's a fresh start so start out like a new couple and learn from your previous mistakes.
These steps will go a long way to helping you stop divorce. However, if you need extra help then get it. There are some great systems available that will help identify and fix the problem with your relationship. You need to use them.
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In my own situation, my husband sort of went through the same process. As his life became more complicated (mostly because of his own actions) he started to think of me as the source of his problems and he begin to reject me and our marriage. Eventually, he was able to see how wrong he really was, but when we lived apart and almost divorced, it was quite hard to keep the faith. This article is based on some things that helped my own situation. I hope that something here helps you.
Although It May Be Tempting To Repeatedly Tell Your Husband That He Is Wrong, It's Unlikely You Will Be Able To Talk Sense Into Him When He's Already In A Dark Place: I know that it may be tempting to repeatedly lay out your arguments and hope that you can talk some sense into him. You feel like if you can just explain where and why he is wrong, he might just come around and embrace you and your marriage again. I have to tell you that in my own experience and from the experiences that people share with me on my blog, this is quite unlikely. Often your husband is caught up in a cycle of a certain type of thinking. This type of thinking doesn't encourage him to listen to reason, even if those reasons are valid.
That doesn't mean that he won't eventually come to see the truth. But often when this happens, it is because he is ready to accept the truth and he has come to his own decision based on his own introspection or events that have happened within his own life. Sometimes, the best that you can do in this situation is to continue to support him but to also focus on your own self care because you are going through a very difficult time also.
Approach Him In The Spirit Of Helping Him Rather Than Changing Him Mind. And Offer Him A Compromise: It's important to understand that when you approach your husband with the sole purpose of changing his mind (and he is typically well aware that this is what you are doing) he will often be that much more determined not to change his mind. So, while you might be under the impression that you are helping yourself, you actually might be making your situation worse. It's my experience and opinion that you will often be more likely to get what you want if you make him think that your goal is to help and support him rather than to change his mind. So instead of telling him that he is dead wrong in his assumption that divorcing you is going to fix all of his problems, you might instead tell him that it's clear he's still struggling and you want to help him find whatever it is that is going to give him some relief. To that end, you could suggest your leaving the house for a short period of time to give him a taste of living without you. This way, he can see that being apart from you isn't going to solve his problems and you've made it look like you are helping or cooperating rather than arguing with him or trying to keep him from getting or doing what he wants.
Encourage Him To Lighten His Load In Other Ways: A lot of wives suspected that their husband is depressed and it sounded as if they may well have been right about this. Sometimes, finding other outlets that help your husband with his problems means that is no longer projecting his problems onto you. If you can get him some relief - whether that is counseling or just finding an outlet for his frustrations, you will likely find that he realizes all on his own that you are not the problem. And when he does, you might find that this divorce business is no longer an issue.
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